You notice that your mum has received a suspicious text message. Your dad mentions an investment opportunity someone introduced him to online. Or a relative tells you they have been speaking to a person who claims they need money urgently.
You want to help, but you also know that telling them they are being scammed might not go down well.
For many families, talking about online scams is an uncomfortable conversation. Parents and older relatives may feel embarrassed, become defensive or worry that their family no longer trusts their judgement. Adult children, meanwhile, may struggle to raise the subject without sounding controlling.
Cybersecurity Awareness Month is a good opportunity to change that dynamic.
Learning how to talk to parents about scams starts with understanding that anyone can be deceived. Scammers use convincing stories, emotional pressure and increasingly sophisticated technology to manipulate people. Being educated, experienced or comfortable with technology does not make someone immune.
The goal is not to frighten your parents or take control of their devices. It is to help them recognise suspicious behaviour, feel comfortable asking questions and know what to do when something does not seem right.
Here is how to start that conversation and turn it into a practical family safety plan.
Why Talking About Scams Can Be Difficult
Before raising the subject, consider why your parents might be reluctant to discuss it.
They may feel that you are questioning their judgement
Parents spend years making decisions for their families. Hearing an adult child suggest that they might be fooled by a scam can feel uncomfortable, particularly if the conversation sounds like a lecture.
Avoid treating age as evidence that someone cannot recognise fraud. Focus on the tactics criminals use rather than making assumptions about your parent’s ability to understand technology.
They may feel embarrassed about a previous experience
Someone who has clicked a suspicious link, shared personal information or lost money may be reluctant to admit it.
They might worry about being blamed, losing access to their accounts or being told they can no longer manage their finances independently.
The US Commodity Futures Trading Commission advises families to approach fraud conversations with patience, empathy and a willingness to listen. Its guidance also recognises that victims may feel ashamed or fear losing their independence.
They may trust the person contacting them
Scammers often spend time building relationships before asking for money or information. They may pretend to be a bank employee, government official, romantic partner, technical support agent or even a family member.
By the time a suspicious request arrives, the person receiving it may already believe they are dealing with someone trustworthy.
That is why simply saying, “Don’t trust strangers online,” may not be enough. A better conversation helps your parents recognise when a request needs independent verification, even if it appears to come from someone they know.
1. Start the Conversation Without Making It Personal
You do not need to wait until something goes wrong to discuss online safety. In fact, starting when there is no immediate problem can make the conversation easier.
Use a recent news story, a suspicious message you received or a scam you encountered as a natural starting point.
You could say:
“I saw a report about people receiving calls from someone pretending to be their bank. Have you come across anything like that recently?”
Or:
“I’ve been trying to get better at spotting scam messages myself. I thought we could share some of the tricks people are using now.”
This approach makes the conversation about a shared problem rather than something your parent has done wrong.
Avoid opening with accusations such as “You believe everything you see online” or “You need to be more careful.” Even if you are worried, those comments can make someone defensive before you have had a chance to explain your concern.
Choose a relaxed moment when neither of you is rushing or already upset. If you have noticed a specific warning sign, explain it calmly and give your parent time to respond.
2. Explain the Scams They Are Most Likely to Encounter
A general warning about internet fraud can feel abstract. Realistic examples make it easier to recognise what a scam looks like in everyday life.
Focus on the situations your parents use technology for, including banking, shopping, email, social media and keeping in touch with family.
Fake bank and government messages
A text or email may claim that an account has been compromised, a payment has failed or an important benefit is about to be suspended.
The message may include official looking branding and a link to a fake website designed to collect passwords or financial details.
Explain that a legitimate looking logo is not proof of authenticity. Instead of clicking the link, they should open the official app or contact the organisation using a trusted number.
Family emergency scams
A caller may claim that a child or grandchild has been arrested, injured or stranded and urgently needs money.
The caller may insist that the situation is confidential or that payment must be made immediately. Some versions involve someone pretending to be a lawyer or police officer.
Agree on a simple rule: if anyone claims a family member is in trouble and asks for money, verify the emergency through a separate channel before doing anything.
Tech support scams
A pop up may warn that a computer is infected and display a phone number for supposed technical support. Someone calling unexpectedly may also claim to be from a well known technology company.
The scammer may ask for remote access to the computer, payment for unnecessary repairs or account credentials.
Tell your parents to close suspicious pop ups, avoid calling numbers displayed in unexpected alerts and contact a trusted support provider independently.
Romance and investment scams
Someone may build a relationship online over weeks or months before asking for financial help or introducing an investment opportunity.
They might promise unusually high returns, claim to have insider information or encourage your parent to move money into cryptocurrency.
Explain that emotional connection and professional looking investment material do not establish legitimacy. Requests for money from someone known only online should be checked carefully, particularly when the person discourages independent advice.
The Federal Trade Commission’s free Pass It On campaign provides plain language resources about these and other common scams affecting older adults. Reviewing one of its short guides together can be an easy way to start.
3. Teach Them Three Questions to Ask Before Acting
Your parents do not need to memorise every scam tactic. A small set of repeatable questions can help them slow down when something feels urgent or convincing.
Who is contacting me?
Can they verify the person’s identity independently? A familiar name, phone number, profile picture or voice does not always prove who is on the other end.
What are they asking me to do?
Are they requesting money, passwords, verification codes, personal information or access to a device? Are they asking for secrecy or trying to make the decision feel urgent?
Can I check this another way?
Can your parent contact the organisation using its official app or a known phone number? Can they call the family member directly or ask another trusted person to review the message?
Encourage them to pause whenever a request involves money or sensitive information.
This is particularly important when someone asks them to pay using gift cards, cryptocurrency or a money transfer service, or insists that they must act before they have time to think.
The FBI promotes a similar principle through its “Take A Beat” guidance: resist pressure to act immediately and take time to assess the situation.
4. Agree on a Family Rule for Urgent Requests
One of the most useful things you can do is establish a clear procedure for emergencies.
Scammers understand that fear can override careful thinking. If a caller says a loved one is in danger, a person may feel compelled to send money before checking the story.
Agree in advance that no one in the family should feel pressured to make an urgent payment without verification.
For example, you might agree that:
- Everyone will call the person supposedly involved using a saved contact number.
- If that person cannot be reached, another trusted family member will be contacted.
- Requests for large or unusual payments will be discussed before money is sent.
- No one will be criticised for asking for a second opinion.
- A request to keep an emergency payment secret will be treated as a warning sign.
You can also agree on a private family verification phrase for unusual emergencies. Keep it private, and remember that a phrase is only one check, not a replacement for verifying the situation through other channels.
The important part is making the process feel normal. Your parent should know they can call you to check a suspicious message without feeling that they have failed a test.
5. Offer Practical Help With Their Devices and Accounts
Conversations are useful, but practical changes can make scams harder to carry out.
Ask your parents whether they would like help reviewing their phones, computers and online accounts. Work through the settings together rather than making changes without their knowledge.
Start with these basics:
Enable multifactor authentication. Add an extra layer of protection to important accounts, especially email, banking and financial services. Use passkeys or phishing resistant authentication where available.
Use unique passwords. A password manager can help create and store different passwords for different services. Reusing the same password across several accounts makes a compromise more damaging.
Install updates. Keep devices, browsers and apps updated to receive security fixes.
Review account recovery options. Make sure recovery email addresses and phone numbers are current and belong to the account holder.
Enable transaction alerts. Where available, set up notifications for account activity and payments so suspicious transactions can be spotted quickly.
Check privacy settings. Review who can see personal information on social media and whether unnecessary apps have access to contacts, location or other sensitive data.
Save trusted contact details. Help your parents identify official banking and technology support channels so they know where to turn when something seems wrong.
Avoid taking over their accounts or collecting their passwords. Help them establish secure systems that they understand and control.
6. Talk About AI Scams Without Making Them Sound Unbeatable
Artificial intelligence has made some scams more convincing. Criminals can use AI tools to produce polished messages, imitate voices and create realistic images or videos.
This matters when a parent receives a call that sounds like a relative or sees a video that appears to show a trusted person endorsing an investment.
Explain that familiar voices and realistic videos are not conclusive proof of identity.
The solution is not to distrust every call or assume every video is fake. It is to verify unusual requests independently, especially when money, sensitive information or account access is involved.
For example, if a caller sounds exactly like a grandchild asking for emergency money, your parent should call the grandchild back on a known number or contact another family member.
If an online personality or public figure promotes an investment, your parent should check the claim through credible, independent sources and relevant regulators before sending money.
Keep the message practical: technology can make impersonation more convincing, but verification still works.
7. Make It Easy for Them to Tell You When Something Goes Wrong
This may be the most important part of the conversation.
Your parent might recognise a scam but still feel too embarrassed to tell you that they clicked a link. They may worry that admitting a mistake will lead to an argument or restrictions on their independence.
Tell them clearly that you would rather hear about a suspicious message immediately than have them handle it alone.
You could say:
“If you ever click something suspicious or send information to the wrong person, please tell me. We can work out what to do together. You don’t have to be embarrassed, and I won’t blame you for asking for help.”
Make sure your actions match your words. If your parent comes to you with a concern, listen before asking questions or offering advice.
If they have already lost money, avoid saying they should have known better. Scammers deliberately manipulate people, and shame can make victims less willing to seek help.
Instead, focus on limiting the damage, securing affected accounts and reporting the incident.
8. Know What to Do If They Have Already Been Scammed
If your parent has already shared information or sent money, time matters. The response depends on what happened, so help them take the appropriate steps as soon as possible.
- If money was sent: Contact the bank, payment provider or company involved immediately. Ask whether the transaction can be stopped, reversed or otherwise secured.
- If passwords were shared: Change the affected passwords using a trusted device. Secure the associated email account and review active sessions and account recovery settings.
- If a verification code was shared: Contact the relevant service, secure the account and check for unauthorised access.
- If remote access was granted: Disconnect the affected device from the internet if necessary, then seek trusted technical support to remove unauthorised access and check for malicious software.
- If personal information was exposed: Review relevant accounts, monitor for suspicious activity and consider the identity theft guidance available through the US Federal Trade Commission.
- If a scam is suspected: Report it to the FTC at ReportFraud.ftc.gov. Internet related crime can also be reported to the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center at ic3.gov.
Be alert to follow up scams. Someone may contact your parent claiming they can recover lost money for an upfront fee or pretending to be an investigator who needs additional payments.
Do not assume the first incident will be the last attempt. Scammers may target the same person again.
A Simple Cybersecurity Month Plan for Your Family
You do not have to cover every topic in one sitting. Use Cybersecurity Awareness Month as a starting point for a few short, manageable conversations.
Week 1: Talk about common scams
Share examples of fake bank alerts, family emergency calls, tech support fraud and suspicious investment offers. Ask whether your parents have encountered similar messages.
Week 2: Review their digital security
Check passwords, multifactor authentication, software updates, privacy settings and transaction alerts together.
Week 3: Agree on a verification routine
Decide how your family will handle urgent requests for money, unusual payment instructions and messages that appear to come from a trusted person.
Week 4: Make reporting easy
Save the relevant bank and service provider contact details. Discuss what to do if someone clicks a suspicious link or shares sensitive information, and make it clear that asking for help is always welcome.
Continue the conversations beyond October. Scams change, and regular, relaxed discussions are more useful than a single warning once a year.
Talking to your parents about scams is not about proving that you know more about technology. It is about helping the people you care about make informed decisions when someone tries to pressure or deceive them.
Start with a conversation, listen to their concerns and share practical examples. Agree on a way to verify urgent requests, review important security settings together and make sure they know they can ask for help without being judged.
Scammers rely on secrecy, urgency and embarrassment. Families can counter those tactics with patience, verification and open communication.
The best time to talk about a scam is before one arrives.
