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I have forgotten how to use Twitter

Twitter has been gone from my subconscious for almost 8 months.

For some weird reason, the date Twitter was banned by the federal government of Nigeria remains indelible in my memory. June 5th 2021. I remember this date more clearly than all the dates I was taught in Social Studies and Government of remarkable events in Nigeria. My government teacher, right now, wherever he is, is shouting Macpherson constitution of 19-somtin.

But, seriously. The events that preceded the ban made it all impossible to forget in a flash. The #EndSARS protests which was the chief of them. I remember vividly standing in a spot at home for no less than 2hrs on one of the days pre-20/20/20 (Wow! It’ll be 2 whole years this year!) – and I was on Twitter; tweeting, retweeting, favoriting – the works.

The longer I stood, the more I was drawn into that vortex of sadness and disdain for the democratic process we claim to practice. On the bright side, it made me a faster reader as I’d read tweets, threads and news in record time. Piam! Piam! And I’m done! Back to tweeting. But, even that was short-lived.

After the protests and all that characterized it, I took mental stock of my social activities and realized the government’s handling of #EndSARS had made me anxious. It had taken away a lot of the excitement that opening “the bird app” used to have.

So, less than 8 months after everyone was trying to move on from the 20/20/20 situation, the ban was announced. Ohhh I remember the disclaimers everyone was giving at the time. “My account will be handled by my remote team in UK…” But na Netherlands your free VPN give you.

Twitter seemed to be getting back to its former state of a space to really laugh, banter and thrash out issues, but even that was momentary because it would be immediately taken away with the ban. I tried to use VPN but, between it usurping data and battery and me being one of those who greeted the Uber driver and asked, “please do you have car charger?” in one breath – it was all a struggle to keep up.

Twitter was gone from my subconscious for almost 8 months. Instagram and push notifications had brought the news – and tweets to me, albeit in a completely different form than I used to know and love.

The ban has been lifted. Granted. But for 8 whole months, the one app I loved, cherished and got a level of fame from returns to me a shadow of itself. A lot of things I did naturally on the app pre June 5th 2021 are now almost a blur. The icons are the same and so are the actions. Tap to retweet. Quote tweet. Reply tweet. Favorite! DM! Mention X because they’ll laugh at this! Hey, are they still on the app? Endless self scrutiny. Is the government reading my tweets? Is this 2022 Twitter compliant? It is all so oddly familiar.

I think I have forgotten how to use Twitter.

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